I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
