So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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