Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
