i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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