he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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