just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
