So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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