Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
