They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
