Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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