so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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