I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
