It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
