is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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