I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do herpes really smell.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
