If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Lo siento on account of my penis...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
