My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
