You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
