It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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