I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
