I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
