he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
