soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
