Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
