According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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