Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
