alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
