maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
