Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
