Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
