My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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