I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
