I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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