dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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