fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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