Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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