Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
