your thong is hanging out like whoa
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
