that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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