Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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