Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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