just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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