You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
wow bdsm is so cute
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