I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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