there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
