I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
