I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
