He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
