: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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