I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
