awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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