I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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