Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
