I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
