four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
