I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
