I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
