oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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