My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
