this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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