Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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