and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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