I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
