Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
