my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
