I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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