i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
