I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
