census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
