sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
