white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
