I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
